Little triggers

Coastal walk in Devon in early September

I thought I was OK and then…

Someone I’m not close to announced they were pregnant, and my husband told me he was happy for them.

And I felt that disconnect with my husband again, a sudden jolt into no longer being in the same place with our grief.

I thought I was OK and then…

The Mum of a toddler who ran out in front of my car in a car park acted like I’d intentionally tried to kill her child. It made me feel guilty, and then angry, and I hadn’t felt that way since being completely consumed by negative thoughts.

I thought I was OK and then…

Someone said “as a parent I…” and “you’ll understand when you have children”.

I thought I was OK and then…

I felt angry at the barriers the universe was throwing our way.

I thought I was OK and then…

Someone said I should stop reading other people’s sad stories as it was stopping me from moving on. And I wish I’d told them I don’t want to move on. My grief is all I have left. I don’t want them to take that away.

I thought I was OK and then…

Something triggered and I didn’t feel OK.

I thought I was OK and then…

I was in the shadows once more.

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